the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
