We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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