Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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