I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
