went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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