Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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