No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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