Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
