his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
