kristin has been a bad kristin
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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