Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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