Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
