There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
