Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize