I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
