I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
