P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize