So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
