Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
