they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
