Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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