Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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