Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
