i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
