90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
tell me about the fingering
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
