paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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