i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
