Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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