the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
