Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
