no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
