So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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