Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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