They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
