We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
