Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
