We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize