after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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