Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
