does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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