maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
