I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
