Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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