Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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