His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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