I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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