somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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