Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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