Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
