Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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