Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
