Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
