I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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