Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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