you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
