I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
