I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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