Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
