I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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